Like most of us I was conditioned by societal norms and looked forward to the traditional wedding, having children, a house with a garden, and a fairytale marriage that would last for the rest of my life, companions and best friends forever…
So often we go into a life partnership, a union focussing on the distribution of assets in the event of divorce, contracts are signed, the ceremony held … ‘to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part’
When we are young and the world at our feet death is not something we consider …and based on all of the failed marriages around us, we know divorce is a possibility yet would like to believe, our love, our lives, our relationship, is above dissolution.
Death and divorce carry a similar pain, in some instances death is easier to go through than a divorce. Whether you are going through a divorce or facing the death of someone you love, there is no easy way to deal with the sorrow of the loss.
Having experienced both myself they are both very different life experiences yet so much the same in that they change our lives forever.
When the person you love dies, people rally around you and support you; this is not true of divorce. The loss of social structures and friends as well as the loss of the extended family structures can exacerbate the feelings of isolation, failure and desperation associated with divorce.
Divorce is often as a result of infidelity or abuse, in many instances it is simply a growing apart and a breakdown of communication. Where there has been infidelity the party involved in the relationship outside of the marriage is wracked by guilt whilst the other part feels total rejection and loss of self esteem. Regardless of the reason in divorce no one really wins, this is even truer where there are children involved. Anxiety and fear often keep people in relationships and in other instances the parties stay together since the prospect of loss of the family structure and creature comforts is just too overwhelming.
Ultimately we do learn from divorce – we learn to be authentic, we learn to be true to ourselves and we learn to set boundaries. We learn that in relationships may be for a reason, a season and sometimes a lifetime, and we also learn that other people aren’t responsible for our happiness and that our lives are a reflection of the choices we make.
We learn too from death, we learn to live each day, to appreciate the people in our lives; we learn that each day is a gift and to live it to the full, we learn too how life can change in a heartbeat. Although we know that death is not the end, it’s a trip we must all go on we know too that we will be reunited in eternity.
Until the lessons are learned, the blessings counted and the life experience accepted with gratitude, we feel the void. We feel sorry for ourselves and we mourn our loss… the loss of the relationship, the loss of the person, the loss of life as we knew it. Smile through your tears, you will laugh and smile again, and from time to time the pain will return to remind you that you have survived one of life’s most arduous challenges.
The reality is that we do not know when the loss of a loved one through death or divorce will turn our world upside down. All we can do is savour and enjoy every moment, remembering to tell the people in our lives how much we love them and value them.
What we have is now, this moment in time, we can savour it or squander it.
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People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.
When you know which one it is,
you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order
to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person
and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.